Boar James
by Eggkara
Summary: James Rolfe, AKA AVGN AKA The Angry Video Game Nerd, has had enough of his current life, and unleashes an awesome power.


Boar James

By Bill Williamson

James Rolfe let out a long defeated sigh and turned up the volume on Paranormal Activity 420 (Blaze It).

He had spent the past 6 months watching the entire Paranormal Activity franchise for Monster Movie Halloween Special but was questioning this decision. "Is this what it has come to?" he thought to himself. With another long sigh, he turned off his Blu-Ray™ player.

The ceiling lamp was now jingling around, while ecstatic moans from the bedroom upstairs filled the house.

"Oh yes! Fuck me harder Mike!"

"Brown bricks! Mineycrafta!"

James hurried outside for some air. Fuck... fuck this life. He understood, of course he could never hope to compete with "Motherfucker" Mike Matei. It was known that his huge 12 inch girth was a big cock for her, and he understood she needed to be sexually satisfied. But did she have to moan his name? Not even once did she accidentally moan James. "I am only her damn husband!" he cried out in a fit of rage.

"Sheeeeeit you a pussyass cracka, white boi" yelled a passing Tyrone. James sighed again, watching as the local friendly melanin enriched youth threw his stolen bike down, whipped out a spray can and graffiti-ed "COPS RACIS" on the side of the house before hurling it through the front window and going on in.

"FUCK!" raged Jame's inner voice, "Another $5000 and I just got that all fixed".

Prices had surged ever since Shillary had become president, and times were getting ever tighter. Jewtube had pushed their AI clone channels to the fore, while coming down hard on original content producers. His channel was not eligible for advertising or sponsorship, so he was relying solely on donors. This is why he was reviewing the Paranormal franchise, because a patron had requested it.

It was a warm March morning, thanks to global warming, so James wandered down the street. A gentle breeze whispered in the crisp new leaves of the trees, rustling softly, "Shhhhhaaaaa...".

At the end of the road, there lay a forest, where James and his parents used to go sometimes at weekends for picnics. Pleasant memories came flooding back as he meandered slowly through the trees; Father showing him how to spot animals, Mother teaching him the names of the plants. And that one time, when he was very young...

A long forgotten memory suddenly surfaced, like Doug Walker's wife at Seaworld. He frowned, who was he with? He could only hear the voice, an older man, maybe his Grandfather.

"When all seems lost and hopeless,

Find the dark pool in the forest,

At the hour of quads,

Tis the hour of frogs,

Jump in and fear no more,

Unleash the power of the boar."

"What did he mean by this?" thought James. Those words had haunted him for many years. He had forgotten them when he met his fair lady wife. CAW CAW CAW! A loud crow call jerked James out of his muesings, and he realised he was in an unknown part of the forest.

Before him lay a small, rather dank and overgrown lake. Surrounding the lake were seven sycamore trees, evenly spaced. The water was pitch black. He hadn't noticed before, but there were frogs croaking. For some reason he glanced down at his watch; 11:11am.

The hour of quads... the dark pool...

James started walking towards the waterline, his mind melting all the thoughts and worries away. Only one thought remained; get in the water. It was icy cold, but James let out not a single shudder as he walked out as far as he could go. When it became too deep, he dived down.

James crawled up the side of the bank and lay on the grass. "What the hell just happened? Had I gone insane?"

His mind drifted to his family and his work! Gathering his thoughts together he hurried back home. That review was not going to write itself. The wind whispered in the trees. "Shhhhaaddilayyyy"...

As James sat down with a freshly made hot pocket, Mike slunk past, peering at the screen.

"Thats some pleb fucking shit right there"

James let out yet another sigh,

"Yeah, I know. Hey Mike, want to cameo or something in this video?"

"Nah, I'm good". Mike wiped his 12 inch meat sword on the back of James neck, the stink of his cum and Mrs. Rolfe's pussy slowly pervaiding the air.

Suddenly a hideous wail shattered through the house, a wail that hit James in his heart, like a diamond bullet.

"WRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!"

James shuddered.

"JAAAAAAAAAAMMEEEEEEEESSSSSSS, FOR FUCKS SAKE WILL YOU FEED IT ALREADY?", yelled the bossy whining voice of Mrs. Rolfe. "JAAAAAAAAMEEESSS YOU FUCKING CIS WHITE MALE, DON'T MAKE ME MAKE TYRONE BEAT YOUR ASS!".

Mrs. Rolfe descended down the stairs, her scraggy tits leaking sour milk as they flopped obscenely with each step. James winced at the sight of her roast beef flaps, florrid and stinking from the endless poundings, the cum of a thousand men flowing down her thin meth addict core thighs like a polluted stream.

"FUCKING HELL JAMES I ASK ONE TINY LITTLE THING OF YOU...". But she never finished the sentance. At that moment, James picked up the source of the hideous wailing, his retarded child. An dissapointment greater than Demo Reel, so unholy that his very sperm had rebelled in horror when meeting his wifes rotten eggs.

"no", whispered James.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!"

"No"

"THE FUCK JAMES WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.."

"NO!"

The final no rang out so loud that a sterotypical flock of birds in the trees outside suddenly flapped away. And then it began.

James felt a surge of primeval rage rush through him. He started twitching and grunting, hoglike. He could feel himself growing in size, his muscles feeling as though they are going to burst. He roared as his nose turned to a snout, as the huge tusks erupted from the sides of his jaw. He grunted and bristled as coarse hair erupted all over his body. But most of all, he felt power!

"shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet" said Tyrone.

Boar James darted foreward and threw his retarded child, smashing Tyrone in the head. K. O! Boar James charged foreward and impaled his crypt keeper wife with his enormous tusks, shaking his head from side to side, disembowling her. He grunted and took a massive dump on her face as she lay dying, clutching her intestines.

"J-James... Fuck... you..."

Boar James roared with rage, picking up Tyrones lifeless body and ran outside, throwing it into Mike's car. Mike's terrified face peered out.

"P-please James, I'm your friend, your wife was just a whore, I did what any man would do"

Boar James headbutted through the windscreen and ripped out Mike's throat.

"YOU WERE NOT A GOOD FRIEND!" he roared.

The power of the boar flowing within his veins, James then began to run. There was a certain man in chicago who needed to be delt with...


End file.
